Two brothers find a coin in the street of Capernaum and, being poor, get excited. However, being careless, they begin tossing it back and forth and, being a coin, is passes through the hands of one and falls into the sewers. Chesed, being the one who fumbled, travels beneath to retrieve the coin. Isaac, being the eldest, stood watch at the opening. Chesed, being in the sewers, found herself beneath the Palace dungeon, audience to the words of a prisoner, being asleep, telling of a hidden fortune in the hills.
Grabbing the 4-drachmus coin, being now in her palm, Chesed speeds to her elder brother, being her look out for danger, to find herself audience again; but to the arrest of Isaac who, being the eldest, understood the implications of exploring the sewers by the palace. A diversion, being the only option, was sprung by Isaac the eldest to distract the guards, being too curious, so to save Chesed.
Her thighs then ate the ground beneath her, speeding on towards the treasure, being now the only way to save Isaac, the Eldest, from legionnaire justice, being corrupt and contemptible.
Night fell before Chesed, being still terrified, found the hills which contained her brothers salvation who, being in foul care, absorbed her thoughts,. The prisoners words, being the source of her knowledge, echoed in her ears: "The north star, being the brightest, shines upon the tallest branch, being the home of six keys, each fittiing the locks, being six each, to my treasure ever growing."
Clasping the 4-drachmus coin to her breast, Chesed, being the only hope now for Isaac, finds the north star, being the brightest, shining upon the tallest branch, being the house of six keys, each fitting the locks, being six each, to find a treasure ever growing.
Now dear Chesed, being taken with such wealth, kissed the 4-drachmus coin and cried with joy shouting, "Isaac stay calm with your captors. I come soon to you, being rich beyond factor." Tearing her clothes, being the only possible bag, Chesed gathered what she could and began her journey back to Capernaum. Deciding how she can buy Isaac's freedom, being all she can think on, Chesed walks through the night finding ill thoughts for rest. As the dawn comes abroad, the town comes clear to view. Quickening pace Chesed starts for the gates. 42 steps, being all she could take, for the gates of Capernaum chose Isaac for decor.
Disowning her cache she flies from the sight, being ever consuming, she plans out her blight. She comes to the Sea so named Galilee. And finding no strength, being sickened by events, Chesed has no strength to end life in sin. Her fist clasps the drachmus, being still in her pocket, and flings it to sea.
Shortly whilst tumbling, in waters so clear, the coin wouldn't stop at the bottom this year. This coin was attractive, being shiny and new, and a fish passing by saw what he thought was gruel. And later that day, being so sad for Chesed, Jesus would teach Simon Peter a lesson.
Put it to music! I have some trouble following it. You use 'being...' a lot and I think it's to a musical device in your head.
And, the part
'chose Issac for decor.'
you should sing like a beast who's just taken a bite out of a corpse; to get the point across. (Ooooo... we should do a performance where beast comes onstage, brutally slaughters one of us, then sings a song while munching on the corpse.)
It's a fun story. Lots of adventure. A little hard to follow, you use 'advanced language' and 'words that people don't normally use in modern English in the order you use them.' This is neat though. I imagine your old english storytelling accent and it brings me great joy.
Plus, people that know the biblical story will be like "What?! Haha, YEAH! I knew that's how it was gonna end! 'S my boy Jesus. What I tell you?"
hahahaha, thank you =)
I agree - this is definitely a first espousal of an idea. It will change often, but I wanted to get some framework down.
The "being.." is indeed a device as yet undefined.
It *is* hard to follow, but I'l work on it. I keep flipping back and fourth on if I want something that tells like a story or has a narrative rhythm, or does a rhyming scheme - so there's a little of all three =P
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